IF IN DOUBT BLAME IT ON ADAM OR A MAN CALLED SHANE

READ STEVE RENNY'S AMUSING ACCOUNT OF THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF THE MIGHTY THREES...PURE RUGBY SHAKESPEARE..

HERTS-MIDDLESEX MERIT TABLE FOUR NORTH-EAST

IF IN DOUBT BLAME IT ON ADAM OR A MAN CALLED SHANE

Enfield IIIs 15 Biggleswade IIs 15

After Ignatians acquired several of their players with their head coach thrown in as part of the deal, Biggleswade IIs made it abundantly clear via social media that revenge was in the air, writes Steve Renny.

From their start, it looked like it was going to be that way although Enfield had other ideas. A gigantic arm wrestle ensued as Biggleswade’s heavy brigade bossed the set-piece, whereas Ignatians were in the ascendancy in the mauls and at the breakdown.

However, Biggy’s nifty and nimble backline provided the initial breakthrough and, consequently, the visitors scored two tries to go 10-0 up at the break.

The second-half saw the Ignatians’ forwards capitalise and a lineout drive made very good yardage and, so much so, that the backline were almost relegated to the role of bystanders.

However, it was the three-quarters which finished off the move in the form of Leighton Thomas (pictured in suave dancer form). Returning from a serious knee injury, he added style to substance by producing two cheeky sidesteps which were reminiscent of Strictly Come Dancing star Neil Jones.

Having floated his way under the sticks, he was clearly over the worst, having reportedly injured himself while in the act of kneeling down.
He also scored well for artistic impression, as the two red-faced defenders entrusted with the task of corralling ‘yer man’ failed miserably and, consequently, both were relegated to rugby’s dance off and, with it, the prospect of going home.

Ignatians failed with the conversion attempt as Adam Collins maintained his lamentable 100 per cent record of missing kicks. Little wonder, then, that Len buried his head in his hands in despair.

It then got worse for the home side as Biggy claimed a further try which sent the visitors ten points clear at 15-5 up.

The frustration was compounded by a few decisions going against them and this led to the sin-binning of an Ignatians’ player for what the referee termed the Victor Meldrew syndrome, or for want of a better expression: constant moaning and bitching.

With time running out and frustrations running high , it was time for another forward surge, and some piercing runs from a prop very much on the upgrade, the MOM Kallym Masters, heralded the start of the fightback.

The Mighty Threes are also lucky to have Chris Lyons in their midst, and he used his pent up frustration to drive over the line following some great pressure.

It brought the scoreboard back to 15-10 and, initially, it looked as it wasn’t to be Ignatians’ afternoon as they squandered two golden chances: one attenpt being deemed short of the line, and the other for a knock-on.

However, the home pack were unrelenting and finally Biggy cracked as James Galea forced his way over. An amusing post script to the score is that that the equalising scorer had previously engaged in an interesting tete a tete with his opposite number, who it transpires has children!

It was always going to be a tough conversion attempt into the wind, but Adam Collins (him again!) pulled it so far to the left, that you could be forgiven from thinking that Jeremy Corbyn had taken it. Clearly, the hapless kicker needed to aim more to the right.

Captain ‘Moose’, he of the firm but fair temperament, had clearly seen enough and he relieved AC of the kicking duties with immediate effect.
It was rumoured that the disgruntled skipper was sorely tempted to hand over the kicking duties to a passing dog walker – on the grounds that Mr Walkies would have made a better fist of it!

Still, the game ended up as honourable draw. Although Biggy, too, had a scapegoat in the form of a man called ‘Shane’. The latter was never on the original Biggy ‘teamsheet’, although he may well have been in days gone by…

In mischievous mood, Captain ‘Moose’ started to wax lyrical about Biggy’s performance as the players formed the post-match tunnel. He also cordially invited the opposition to join our ‘wonderful’ club, but, at a time of going to press, his very kind offer has yet to be taken up…